Color To A Life
by Num.1 Hyperactive Kunoichi
Summary: It wasn't unusual to want thing. This much she knew. It was however, painfully ironic how life decided to screw you over at the most clique of moments. Jade West was no stranger to the misfortunes of life, but it was like her father always said, "As long as we land on our feet it doesn't really matter how we fall." Or Jade West finally making some sense of the world.Jade/Ryder Bade
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Victorious is the property of Dan Schneider, not mine.

Warning: A bit of language, and no Beta Reader

Mission accomplished if you smile.

* * *

_Was it just her or was there a haze surrounding them? No, just her? It made sense, no one else seemed to be suffering from a mangled heart. Broken seemed to even, to pretty a term to describe her. She vaguely wondered when broken suddenly stopped cutting it._

_Maybe it was the second he flashed her a smile, merely an hour after downgrading her, and deciding he could finally use an upgrade. She smiled back the same, because frankly she could do better. Never better than him, but better for herself._

_Applause broke out, but her haze didn't break. She rose and followed those who she knew weren't to blame for her troubled mind. It was her fault after all, she was the one who tried her absolute hardest to defy gravity. Even went as far as convincing herself that her snarky remarks, dark views of the world, and her complete disregard for authority made her special, unique. It didn't, it just made her harder to love. Made it harder for her to love._

_The blinding lights illuminating the stage, gave her a slight sense of deja vue. Accompanied by the haze that enveloped her, it was vaguely familiar to that summer as a kid. The one where she became so panicked by a harmless ocean dweller that she forgot to kick her feet, and suddenly she couldn't breath._

_Smiling she figured things happened for a reason, and maybe there was some truth to that one saying that she couldn't bother to quote at the moment. That one saying about everything being interconnected and that there really are no accidents in life. So maybe she wasn't completely to blame here. Who knows maybe by some mystical force or some type of random selection the universe just decided to screw her over and in turn blissfully bless others._

_That was the last coherent thought she had before reaching out to pull the seemingly permeant star of the show into an embrace. It felt nice, contact, she hadn't had it in a while. It was a sincere embrace, a I'm sorry for trying to gank your stardom, even if it was all fair game._

_Before she knew it she was embraced by a number of friendly faces, and she smiled for them ignoring the turmoil eating away at her very center. It was like a gnawing scraping against her bones with every movement, and damn what the hell was wrong with her._

_'Get it together West!' She screamed at herself. Making sure to avoid a certain pair of hands, as the shower of hugs continued on. She didn't particularly like being passed around like a rag doll._

_It was only then that she realized they were speaking to her, broad smiles on their faces, but it all fell on death ears. Taking a second to synchronize the crowd, she suddenly couldn't breath anymore, not with the way he decided to pick Vega up in an elaborate twirl of affection._

_She quickly turned away, allowing herself a moment of clarity. Enough with this self harm bullshit, she had a brain and a sensible person such as herself wouldn't stick around and purposely cause themselves this type of harm. This chest ache that no amount of medical help could alleviate. No Jade West loved herself enough to get the fuck out, especially when an exit sign stared her so bluntly in the face. That exit sign which happened to come in the form of an attractive backstage crew member. Don't think she didn't see him checking out her ass earlier._

_"Jadey that was so nice of you!" Cat squealed, embracing her for what felt like the twelfth time that night._

_"Thank you so much Jade." Tori hopped all giddy on the balls of her feet. Glee was literally radiating off the girl, but hey it's not like it was the first time Jade felt envious of her._

_"I'm anything but predictable." She smirked, keeping up the facade. "Put me in pink, seriously?" She mumbled as an afterthought, eliciting a round of laughter._

_"Who up for Nozu's? In celebrating of a night well done." Beck perked up from his spot next to Andre. Celebrating her fail at fame, not likely. She wasn't bitter over it, she knew when credit was due. Tori did her a solid, she repaid the favor, the score was even again. She owed them nothing. As far as Jade West was concern she was content over her decision. Still that didn't exactly mean she was willing to go out and be reminded of it for the next couple of hours, if not longer._

_"Yeah, no. Sorry, previous engagement." She smirked dismissing them easily, already two steps away._

_"But you were performing tonight, you couldn't have had anything else planned." He just couldn't give her the satisfaction of walking away peacefully could he._

_"You don't know what I do." She stated matter of factly, barely bothering to look back over her shoulder. "It's barely ten on a Saturday night, trust me when I say there's plenty to do, whether you keep your reservation or not, especially if you're me." She sighed with a hint of a smirk like she was explaining it to a group of socially awkward children. With a final wave of her hand she was back stage again, retrieving her bag from the vanity where she was seated for the better part of the day._

_Looking into the mirror "Pink" was her first judgement. Not bothering to over think it she ripped the offending garment off, revealing a pair of ultra short black short. Thank god the top of her dress was a separate piece all together. Giving herself a once over she shrugged indifferently. She'd seen ganks do worse. Bending over to tighten her combat boots she heard a whistle ring out from behind her. Speaking of that exit sign, one A class sucker coming right up._

_"Cute." She batted her eyelashes at whatever he just said. She made sure to play her part, holding onto his arm, like a good little trophy. All she needed was a ride then she could ditch the goon. Apparently Northridge was hosting a killer party, and Jade ultimately decided that's where she wanted to be. Northridge parties were everything a good girl didn't need, and everything a broken hearted one did. Let's just say she fit into one of the two._

_She was almost out of the parking lot. All she had to do was shut her door and allow him to get in, and then she'd be able to breath again. Because even if the situation alone was unfamiliar, a change of pace was always welcomed. Especially at times like these. Not to mention she was stepping into what had to be the most expensive, eye catching car she'd ever seen. Oh yea, she knew she had game._

_But of course, there's that whole universe at work thing again, because the moment she reached for her door she saw them. It was obvious they spotted her long ago though. They had those calculating looks planted on their faces. She could only imagine what she looked like dangling off this clearly twenty-some-odd guy's arm in the tiniest pair of shorts she'd ever graced the world with._

_She faltered for only a second, but decided to overlook Cat's habit of chewing her lower lip when she was worried, as well as Tori's attempts to keep the look of disappointment off her face, Robbie's flabbergasted expression, and Andre's crooked brows. She even ignored Beck's completely impassive face, slamming the door shut instead._

_"Dang yaw, the wicked witch of the west's got game. She just schooled all you suckers." Rex crackled viciously, disrupting the group from their thoughts._

_"Rex!" Robbie reprimanded clamping his hand over the puppets mouth, giving the rest of the group a sheepish grin._

_"Let's just go."' Beck offered, opening the passenger side door first, old habits die hard. Even harder when you're still not completely over it._

_"Yeah!" Tori smiled attempting to brighten the mood again. The best he could offer was a confirmation nod that he heard her._

_..._

_"So where do you go to school?" What was his name again, asked._

_"Oh you know." She waved her hand dismisingly not wanted to let him know that she was indeed still in high school._

_"Right." He nodded, like he really did know._

_Pulling up to a pretty big residency she could already feel the music vibrations. Turning to her chauffeur for the hour she patted his shoulder once before, "Look I'm going in, see ya around." She hopped out the car, not bothering to wait for a response._

_"Wait-_

_But she was already meshing with the crowd._

_She knew it was a bad idea the second she stepped foot into that house. The music was already to loud, the lights too dim, smoke clouded her vision slightly, alcohol was flowing freely, open drinks were left lying around, bodies meshing drunkenly, slurred words tumbling. It just wasn't her scene._

_It's not like she hadn't been to a number of college parties before, because she had over the course of the last few months. It was nothing new to her. She'd just never been to one dressed like this, feeling like this. It was slightly unsettling. What was Jade west to do in a situation like this?_

_Three drinks later she wasn't feeling so bad about her decision anymore. Making her way through the crowd she allowed her vision to mix with the light, her senses to float about with the chaos going on around her. Music was her passion, she found it easy to get lost in it. Swaying gracefully to the music it took her a second to register a pair of hands sliding around her waist, in a firm embrace. 'What the hell?' Turning abruptly she came face to face with the one and only._

_Ryder Daniels-_

_"Ryder?" She asked, attempting to be heard over the blaring music._

_"Jade." He mimicked the name exchange game taking a sip from his drink before setting it back down somewhere._

_Following his action closely she frowned giving him a disapproving look. "Thats how you get roofied." She stated matter of factly. "Thought you learned your lesson by now." She rose her pieced eyebrow in a mocking jester, casually bringing her left hand up to rest on the swell of her hip._

_"Good to know you actually listen to what I say." He nodded, congratulating himself._

_"On occasion." She sigh, looking as bored as she was a minute ago._

_"Right." He tilted his head to an angle giving her a weird look. It was slightly unnerving._

_"But whatever, what I really want to know is what is Ryder Daniels doing at a college party, in LA nonetheless, your suppose to be in NYC." She grinned stating what she knew was fact._

_"Just visiting." He shrugged looking slightly annoyed, before giving her a once over. "Any particular reason?" He asked gesturing towards her choice of clothing._

_"It's a long story." She mumbled suddenly feeling self-conscious at being found (at least by her standards) half naked at a college party by the king of mockery himself._

_"Well if you need an ear." He shrugged. "This shit kinda blows anyway." He smirked, crushing his red cup and tossing it back somewhere, not bothering with where it landed._

_"Is that so?" She mocked him._

_"Shouldn't you be with your mother then? The women barely sees you, its a down right flippin miracle when she does. Plus it's not like I need her riding my ass over leaving you completely shit faced on her front porch later." She snapped at him with an accusing glare._

_"Aww, Jade West is willing to see me home safe and sound?" He teased reaching out to ruffle her hair, pulling back with surprisingly no bodily harm done. I mean come it's jade._

_She angry moved out of his way, viciously patting down her hair and fixing him with a killer glare. "I hope a homeless man picks you up from wherever I drop your sorry ass off at."_

_"Bitter." He mumbled._

_"Always." She smirked._

_"So my mother told me you were performing at the PMAs. She was rooting for ya, you know." He smiled at her finally, probably at the thought of his mother. Much better than a smirk._

_Which happened to catch her off guard causing her to inhale deeply. This whole night had been wonky._

_"Ahh yeah, well you know, that women." She said dismissively, before secretly smiling back, knowing she was indeed very much fond of her._

_"Tell me though, whatever happen to, if I make it I'll make sure to call you up, vice versa." He asked referencing a conversation from years ago._

_"It was actually really last minute. Either way I decided not to do it, so it wasn't like a big deal, ya know." She waved it off as nothing, but the slight hesitation in her voice was enough to set him off. You didn't know a person for fifteen years and not be able to pick up on things like that. And if there was one thing he knew, it was Jade West._

_"As far as I know, someone doesn't just not do the PMAs Jade, what happened? Tori manage to steal the spotlight again? Did you choke last minute or something?" He asked, making sure to edge her on on purpose._

_"No! I neeeee-ver choke!" She growled at him, choosing that particular moment to invade his personal space, giving him a look like he alone was the sole reason for all her troubles, and a single glare could wipe him out._

_He didn't look intimidated in the slightest. Instead he sighed using two fingers against her left shoulder to push her back slightly. He looked impassive but not condescending as he reached back down, picking up and taking a gulp from her cup. He waited for her to calm down._

_She didn't know whether it was the alcohol in her system, the dull ache in her chest, or the fact that he was her oldest friend to this date, but she decided to confide in him. Not unlike before. Ryder may be a lot of thing, but if there's one thing he's not, it's a gossiper. What she told him would stay buried in him like a tomb. She knew._

_"My car?" He asked seeing the resignation in her eyes._

_"My house, nobodies home." She sighed, but not before picking up a couple of liquor bottles off the center table, handing them over to him._

_"Not unusual." He said dismissively, like she wasn't a walking pity party, quickly tucking said bottled into the sides of his leather jacket._

_Placing a hand on the small of her back he proceeded to maneuver them through the crowd of young adults, pausing only when Ryder felt the need to greet someone. She stood rigid as he conversed with a pair of carbon copies. Why were all men so simple minded? She wondered. They weren't ever good flirts._

_She eyed the door as they proceeded to walk away again before he stopped for the third time. Only this time it manage to annoy Jade to no end. You don't offer somebody an ear then take you flipping sweet time getting there._

_"Ryder!" She snapped._

_"Coming doll-face." He drawled, ending his conversation before sauntering over, hands deep in his pockets with a painfully cocky smirk etching across his features. "You know you really shouldn't call my name like that babe, someone might get the wrong idea." He whispered into her ear with a small chuckle at the end._

_Choosing to ignore him she allowed him to take her hand in his and finally lead her out of the crowded house._

_Walking to his car, she didn't even bother to insult him on his lack of parking skills. She instead chose to forcefully yank her door open and quickly slide into the familiar black leather seats. Watching him climb in she lifted het feet up on the dashboard. Her combat boots echoing a satisfied bang._

_Rolling his eyes at her he wasted no time in pulling out of said houses lawn._

_"You're not drunk are you?" She suddenly asked. "Because I may be dumb sometimes but I'm not stupid." She shifted in her seat a little._

_"Do I look drunk to you?" He asked, stealing a glance at the dark beauty._

_"Don't know, don't wanna look at you." She mumbled, leaning back in her seat, and shutting her eyes tightly._

_"If he didn't know better, he's think she was asleep."_

* * *

-.-

Two months later.

-.-

* * *

_1 New Text Message_

_To: Jade_  
_From:Ryder_

_Booked the first flight over. Don't do anything stupid._

_..._

Kinda late, she snickered. It was times like these when she wished flip-phones never went out. There was nothing like the satisfaction of snapping the lid close to end a conversation. We all know there's no bigger truth.

She reply with a simple fine, before plopping down in her seat. If she didn't think about it, it wouldn't eat at her. She was an actress, she could act.

She took the liberty of kicking the seat in front of her.

"Yo Tori, got any aspirin?" Jade didn't bother with a proper greeting. Two hours of sleep would do that to a person. Especially her.

Why do you need Aspirin?" Tori fixed her with a curious look, using her 'I'm confused voice, explain to me please, for I have no brain of my own!' Ugh!

"Why must you always ask question?" She growled.

"Well." Tori snapped, looking offended before shifting around in her purse. "Nope, sorry, Trina must have taken it."

"She's untalented."

"One time my brother bought Aspirin from this guy outside a taco stand, because he said it prevented bad breath. It did not end well." Cat told her seriously before offering her a black jelly bean from her shirt.

She took it despite the fact she didn't want it.

"Man girl, your brother just ain't right." Rex mumbled

"Rex!" Robbie reprimanded

"What's that suppose to mean!"

And there went the peace.

Cat's high pitched shriek was enough to send her teeth rattling. Why did she even come today?

"Hey guys." She rolled her eyes even harder at that. Beck Oliver strolled in as cool and laid-back as ever. Whoopty doo, for him.

"Chill gurl, what Rex meant was that your brother seems to get into a lot of trouble is all." Andre intervened, that goodness.

"Oh, well he does!" Cat giggled twirling a piece of the red hair extensions, she was guilted into buying last month, after her eyebrows grew back on.

"One time my brother-" She started

"No, No, No, No!" She groaned throwing her head back in frustration.

"You people make me want to slam my face in a car door." She groaned. Turning to her left she caught his eye.

"Hey beck your car still up for grabs?"

"I-

Thankfully Sikowitz decided to come marching in at that exact moment, interrupting him, with the new cast list for their upcoming play.

And as always chaos ensued.

"I can't believe you gave her the lead role again. Did you not read the play? Dark, mysterious, talented, antagonist, that has me written all over it? You can't sit here and tell me I'm not perfect for the role!" Jade insisted after hearing the cast-list read out loud. Understudy again? I mean come on.

Even Tori agreed it was a little far fetched considering she hadn't really had time to study her lines that week. She might have also arrived at her audition a couple of minutes late, needless to say it was not her best. She had already resigned herself to playing understudy.

"Jadelyn, I want you to expand your acting not be yourself. Where's the fun in that." Sikowitz waves his arms flamboyantly as if the issue at hand didn't matter. She mattered, dammit!

"So you don't even give me a part? I would be acting, clearly I'm a better actress than her." Jade directed a glare at Tori and took a little pride in her flabbergasted expression.

"Close your mouth Tori, you might say something stupid." Jade smirked, satisfied for the moment.

"Ahh Jade your bitterness astounds me, but for the moment stop being a gank, and give Tori some credit."

"No!" She glared

Sikowitz fixed her with his own unamused Look.

"It's not unusual to want things, Sikowitz." She sighed.

Heads turned at the tone of voice she used. If they didn't know any better they'd say she sounded, defeated.

"Indeed it's not. Tell you what why don't you and Tori share the lead. The play will be shown three time throughout the week you can both do one, and based on your performances-

"Ooh yea." Tori's cheerful voice rang out as she twirled in her seat to face her. "We can do that." She smile, interrupting her teacher.

"No, we can't!" Jade sneered, leaning forward in her seat. Just because she'd been nicer to her since the PMAs didn't mean she wasn't Jade West.

"I'm not going to go up there for a night and let you make comparisons in that twisted mind of yours. You made it clear how you view both of us, I'm not going to go up there so someone bias can judge my performance."

"My assumptions are fair Jadelyn." Sikowitz sighed, clearly over the matter.

"Yeah, a years ago I might have believed that, but we all know you're full of it." She yelled, screw inside voices.

"Jade-

"You know what end conversation, whatever I'll do lighting." She huffed, throwing her arms up dramatically.

"But-

"Light-ting, did I pronounce it correctly this time?" She asked leaning back in her seat with a growl.

"One time my brother-

"It's done, just pretend the gank never opened her mouth." Jade sighed, gesturing for him to continue on with the class.

With a defeated sigh Sikowitz turned back around to the dry erase board.

Beck's attention however was not focused on the barefoot man on stage. Yeah their school was weird, but no worries, already embraced. No his attention was focused on the dark haired girl sitting exactly five seats away from him, one row ahead.

Was it just him or had she been acting strange for the last two months, ever since the PMAs? Tori and her seemed to get along better, that's for sure. He can't even remember the last time she used her 'Tori voice' on them. Which was a pity cause it really was quite funny.

Her conversation with Sikowitz only served to tip him off further. He'd like to think he knew her best, but that voice she used was nothing short of foreign to him which left a crinkle in his brow. Since when did Jade West sound so disconnected, so defeated, like she was simply going through the motions, not really caring.

I mean did she seriously just pass up a lead role? Granted it was a shared role, but a role nonetheless. Wasn't she the one who always told him by any means necessary and there's no shame in doing what you gotta do to get the dream done. What happened to that girl? What happened to her, what happened to them? An even better question might've been why was it constantly eating at him?

He decided right then and there that he would have a little chit chat with Jade, the second he built up the courage to.

By the end of class Sikowitz had somehow managed to officially give new meaning to the entire Spanish language, starting with pants and ending with blubber fish. Jade was beyond over it.

You see it all started off with a small tickle in her eye and a slight case of irritation at, well she wasn't sure what. Maybe it was the ugly mask hanging from the wall. Either way Jade took the liberty of rubbing her eyes, viciously trying to make sense of this sudden burst of emotion. She didn't even know where it came from, she was perfectly fine a second ago, but now she was unable to stop the sniffles that escaped her. Damn.

"Jadelyn are you crying?" Sikowitz stumbled, coconut slipping from his grasp, in his surprise.

She thought it was viciously ironic how it landed right at her feet, drawing everyones attention.

"No! Stupid allergies." She spat, turning her head in the opposite direction which just so happened to be in Beck's direct line of sight.

Her eyes met his for the briefest of seconds before she directed her gaze elsewhere. So what if he saw her cry, she wasn't his burden anymore.

Thank Gandhi the bell rung on time.

Grabbing her things calmly, which was a feet in itself, she gladly strolled out of the classroom down the crowded hall.

To say Jade West was in a murderous mood would have been like saying Cat was a tad bit childish, or that Vega got what she wanted all too frequently. It simply was.

Even her heavy combat boots that faced the forces of life alongside her for years couldn't guard her from what she was currently feeling. What was she feeling? I mean what was that back there? Did she seriously just break down like that? Ever worse did really blow a chance to preform, a lead role nonetheless, ugh!

'Get it together West!'

She punctured, slamming her locker door shut. Her scissors rattled with the force, but she knew what she was doing when she put them on there. They weren't going anywhere.

Poping a piece of spearment gum, she took a moment to savor it. Thats it Jade, just breath. Satisfied she turned on her heels, only to run smack dab into the one person she could legitly say was the last person she wanted to bump into.

"What the chizz?" She snapped, landing not on her butt but on her back. Damn the man was like a brick wall.

She took a moment to appreciate the stars swimming in her vision, before shaking it off. Pausing she unconsciously placed a hand on her abdomen, before glaring up at the idiot.

"What, are you blind now? Or did some gank finally pull your hair hard enough to cause some permeant damage to your brain!" She yelled, voice as irritated as possible, ignoring his attempts to help her up. And he even had the audacity to look smug about it. Did her falling amuse him, dick!

"I wasn't watching where I was going." He stated matter of factly, holding up his pearphone. He took a second to take her in. It'd been too long since he'd last seen her like this. Vicious, vulnerable, full of emotion in his presence. He loved it.

"Yea some witness." She barked. "What too busy sexting some bimbo, to watch where you're going. Don't touch me!" She swatted his arms away.

"I'm just trying to help you up Jade, and if you must know I'm texting Tori." He tried, waving his phone in her face, similar to the way her and Tori had done to each other before.

"OH!" She growled.

He sighed reaching down to her again, offering her an outstretched hand. "Can I just-

"No! Don't touch me, I don't know where you've been." She snapped getting to her feet, on her own, and dusting the dirt off her skirt.

"You're being ridiculous." He mumbled.

Her lips tightened and her postured firmed, she dated him long enough to know the sure signs of an oncoming puppy dog look. He wanted something from her, or wanted to know something, and she wasn't in the mood to do either.

Oh no, she was not playing that game again.

"Whatever!" She screamed, marching her way out of there, before she decided to actually stick around and entertain him.

He watched her leave, with a heavy sigh. He totally bumped into her on purpose.

What was her deal anyways, all he wanted to do was talk. Granted knocking her over before hand might not have been his best idea but it was the only way he manages to get her attention now a days.

It used to be so easy. All he had to do was walk into the room, even after their breakup, but now even him face planting at her feet wouldn't register more than a mean remark from her.

Eight months was a long time, a really long hiatus, but not nearly long enough to forget Jade West.

He came to the conclusion that maybe that stupid door should never have closed in the first place. Who was he kidding? He came to that conclusion months ago.

So he decided to follow her, she was getting pretty good at walking away, and it was a habit he was going to try to break.

"Jade."

She stopped walking throwing him a confused look. "Fine, apologize already, so I can go get some lunch." She sighed turning fully around and adjusting her messenger bag.

"I want to talk to you...you know...about us." He ran a hand through, what she noticed, was slightly greasy hair.

Her shoulders dropped slightly, a panicky feeling filling her gut, but she quickly shook it off. "Nothing to talk about." She shrugged it off casually, like he was asking her about about the cafeteria menu. Man was she a good actress. She so deserved that role.

"I'm walking away now." She said bluntly, and for some reason her boots felt extraordinarily heavy.

Out of all the days in the last eight months he had to choose this one. Where he two months ago, oh right on Tori's couch. She was starting to think the universe really was out to get her.

"Jade we're not done talking." He followed her.

"Oh yes we are." She huffed mockingly.

"No we're not." He retaliated

"Seriously dude, that's one can of crazy you do not want to reopen." She warned, keeping every last ounce of emotion at bay, it was for the best. He didn't need her, clearly, and she just recently got over needing him.

"Jade" He reached for her arm.

"What?" And suddenly she was angry. "We've been broken up for eight months and suddenly you have the urge to came at me again? It doesn't work that way, I'm done listening to you." She tugged her arm back, refusing to acknowledge the look of hurt on his face. He was an actor too she had to remember.

"I'm not attacking you so stop treating me like a threat." He yelled back, trying to plead with her.

"I'm pretty sure me considering the guy that, maybe not literally, but nonetheless ripped out one of my vital organs once upon a time, as a threat is not unreasonable." She was once again careful to keep the emotion out of her voice with the exception of anger, it's not like he didn't know what he did. She was simply stating facts here.

It's not like he didn't see the way she walked around for months after their break up. She practically screamed angst, and what did he do about it? Nothing, absolutely nothing except attempt to put the moves on Tori. Yea excuse her for being hostel, but she was done being the broken one here. She cried too damn much for it all to just breeze over like this in perfect Oliver land.

"Jade just hear me out, come on." He whispered, running his fingers through his hair again.

"No." She held firm, "I promise you there's nothing here worth discussing anymore. Look if you're lonely I can talk to Tori for you, convince her to go out with you. I'm sure if-

"What? No, Jade I'm not lonely, and I don't want Tori." The look on his face was priceless, yea she never thought she'd utter those words either.

"That's mean, weren't you the one always preaching to me about being nice to her? Tisk Tisk." She answers bitterly. Letting out a long breath she decided she really needed to get out of here.

"Jadelyn." He whispered, and for a moment he just stood there watching the floor like it was the sole reason for all the talent radiating off the HA students. "Eight months doesn't eliminate three years." He finally spoke, and whether his voice actually cracked or not, he wasn't sure.

Why was she doing this? How was she so, so natural, so Jade. If it was anyone else beside him, it'd be understandable, cold and vicious was simply her nature, but it wasn't. It was him, so why was she standing there like this wasn't eating at her, because god knows he was was tired of it. He was Beck Oliver for crying out loud. Her one and only. He was sure she knew that by now.

It was clear to everyone that he shouldn't even be the one begging here, but he was, so why wasn't she complying already. Did eight months really throw them that much off balance? Did she really not love him anymore? And that thought alone sent his world a spinning.

Letting it out he glared at her. "You're really not gonna talk to me?" And he was back to his emotionless tone.

"Funny, huh?" She mocked him.

"It's really not." He was aware he sounded angry which almost always translated to hurt with him.

"Well then I'm sorry I couldn't help you." She responded curtly, not sure whether to curtsy in his presence or not. I mean rumor has it he was perfect.

Choosing the latter she simply strode off, now only half as eager to see what Fetus was serving in the cafeteria.

And twice as anxious for someone else's flight to land.

* * *

Guess who caught the Jyder bug! Still Bade is my drug so we'll see.

So that was my first attempt at the Victorious universe, whatcha think? I feel like they were a tad bit ooc, but I think I'll get it eventually. I welcome you to critique to your hearts content.

This is Multi-Chapter by the way.

Review if you have an opinion!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. If I did do you think I would cancel it? Hell no!

Hehe, sorry bout that, but yeah here's the next chapter, enjoy!

* * *

_"Wake up West we're here."_

_"Your voice is annoying." She grumbled._

_"I know where you keep the spare key." He hummed unclicking his seatbelt in warning._

_"Touch the gnome and I'll kill you." She warned._

_"Come on, we got vodka." He nudged her._

_"Fine." She sighed_

_The porch light was off, confirming what she said earlier, about no one being home. The large estate was too lonely for one person she decided, especially on a night like this._

_Opening the front door they made their way in quickly. Her bored neighbors where nosey enough as it was._

_"Sit. I'll grab a few things." She mumbled gesturing towards the large couch sitting in the middle of her living room._

_Doing as told he kicked off his shoes, shrugged off his jacket, and sat on the rug with his back against the couch. Pulling the coffee table a bit closer he placing both bottles from before on it._

_"I don't have any cinnamon apple Poptarts left, so you have to make do with strawberry." Her voice traveled down the hall as she entered with said box, a large bag of Cheetos, half a box of Twinkies, a couple of shot glasses, two water bottles, the scissoring part two, and a large blanket, dumping it all unceremoniously onto the coffee table._

_"Scoot over." She mumbled spreading the blanket over her legs and pouring them both shots in the process._

_"Bottoms up." He tilted his glass towards her until they met with a satisfied clank._

_"Bottoms up." She mumbled, allowing the liquor to burn it's way down her throat._

_"Tell me about yourself." He asked, ripping open the Cheetos' bag._

_"Me and Beck broke up." She sighed, rubbing her eyes in frustration. So much for easing him into her problems, but desperate times call for yea blah blah blah. She hated over used sayings, even if they were just in her mind._

_"Yeah I kinda got that." He raised another drink to his mouth._

_"What, stalking me now?" She asked, curious as to how he'd know that. She hadn't seen him in months._

_"Hardly, it was all over the slap." He laughed, offering her half of a Poptart._

_"Stupid, nosey, social media." She grumbled._

_"You know he even had the audacity to say we could still be friends, like really?" She snapped forgetting her glass and simply chugging from the bottle._

_"It's reasonable." He shrugged, resigning himself to a pretty long and only half tedious night._

_"Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom say you can still keep it." She said hotly._

_"Right so I haven't missed much everything is still pretty much all about Beck?" He nodded to himself._

_"No it's about me, damn keep up." She pulled the bag of Cheetos from him._

_"Well hate to break it to you sweetheart but it's been six months. If the dude still wanted you, I think he would've said something by now." He tried not to mock her by stating the obvious, but he felt like Jade might be in the need of a little tough love. As much as he liked seeing her wrapped in a blue blanket, eating junk food on the floor with him, while they discussed her reason for being out in short shorts, he didn't like the look of hurt under the strong facade._

_"That kinda goes both ways Ryder. If I wanted him back I could just as easily waltz back in there demand him back and all that." She grumbled through a mouthful of Cheetos'_

_"You didn't break up with him. You don't get to decide if you want him back this time. It's about time he made up his own mind." He gave her a sorry look before taking the bottle from her._

_"I gave him an ultimatum, it was half my fault." She tried to convince herself one more time, resting her head against him shoulder._

_"Do you want him back?" He asked._

_"No I don't want him back!" She sounded angry but she wasn't. He knew better than to assume every emotion with her strived from rage._

_"Translation you don't want to want him, but you do. It's been Beck and Jade for three years, if you ask me this just proves that you're human." He shrugged the shoulder she rested on playfully, eyeing the bottle in his palm curiously as she spoke._

_"I want to hate him, and I might hate him, maybe a little." She tried to convince herself, but even to her it sounded like a lie._

_"Don't be a child Jade. Hate only gets you so far, once that fades you're left with a mess of scattered emotions with no clue on how to sort them. Hating is easy, it's the best cover up there is, but it's not permanent." He lectured her._

_"You think I don't know that? God Ryder I don't think there's anyone who understands that better than I do. But you don't understand! I'm just so angry, beyond that I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. Like what the hell am I even doing?" She pulled at the blanket, tangling her feet together in frustration._

_"First off you're not angry you're hurt." He assured her._

_"Damn straight, but I have a right to be. I mean do you even remember me Ryder?" She looked at him with so much insecurity in her eyes; it honestly caught him off guard for a second._

_"What do you mean?" He struggled not to stutter._

_"Do you remember me?" She asked sitting on her knees to face him. "Back before Beck and Jade happened. Back when it was just Jade and I had no one else to fall back on. When I was able to hold my own, regardless of what was chucked at me. Do you remember the girl that even if the world tilted on it's axis would be fine as long as she was on a stage doing her craft. Do you remember her, because I liked her." She sighed._

_"I remember, of course I remember, that used to be my best friend." He nudged her affectionately._

_"Yea, she used to be my friend too." She whispered sadly._

_"You know I stay up sometimes, replaying every outburst I've ever had with him. Being on the outside looking in I can't help but think, what a gank! Dude do you not see yourself? You seriously like out of all honesty do not have to put up with this._

_There's girls out there, far pretty, maybe not as talented, but nicer willing to waid on you hand and foot. You don't need someone with more baggage than either of you know how to carry. Come on now, are you some type of sadist, or something?" She said sadly._

_"Wouldn't put it past him." He chuckled._

_"It's not like I don't know what I am. I get that I'm mean, blunt, physically harmful on occasion, bullyish. I might not have the best moral code, I'm easily enraged, insecure, jealous. I get that I'm not perfect. I don't strive to be, but I'm not a bad person either. No matter how much I wish I was, because maybe that way it wouldn't hurt as much. I wouldn't care so much." She whispered looking at her hands tucked in her lap._

_"Well you're right about one thing, you're not a bad person Jade. I actually think this might be good for you if you gave it a chance._

_Like it or not you're actually pretty good at being on your own. You thrive off your obsessive need for people to see you. Jade West even your name has a ring to it. Maybe it's about damn time you stop creating yourself and start looking for yourself. You might even be pleasantly surprised at what you find." He handed her back the bottle they been sharing._

_"I know who I am. I don't have time to go on a soul searching expedition." She took another swig._

_"No you know what you want to be. Whether that be Beck's girlfriend, the lead in the next musical, or a famous actress, you know what you want, but not where you're at with yourself Jade, and that's just as important._

_"I really don't feel like doing anything emotionally stressful for a while." She pouted, slightly amused at his suggestion, before leaning her head against him again._

_"All thing considered I have a feeling you'll make it out of this one just fine." He smiled down at her, cupping her chin lightly so that she looked into his eyes._

_"It's funny." She smiled. "How everything can change from one day to another, yet some things never do."_

_"Like?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips._

_"Like the fact that you're the first person I've opened up to about all of this." She shrugged_

_"Well I'm flattered." He smiled_

_"Don't get overly happy, it's just how things are." She dismissed it._

_"You telling me things?" He asked._

_"No, firsts." She sighed. "For some ungodly reason you were pretty much my first everything." She frowned looking down at her cup, mulling that though process over._

_"First friend, first person I ever told a secret to, first kiss, first snuggle, first second and third base, I mean fuck it you were my first freakin sleepover." She laughed abruptly the liquor they consumed making itself well known at this point._

_"I somehow always thought you'd be my first too, even when it was happening it flashed in my mind, but no."_

_"I had the decency not to take your virginity." He saw fit to point out._

_"I sometimes wish you did." She whispered, watching her cup the whole time._

_A feeling of panic seeped in. "Dude, don't tell me-_

_"Shut up, no I don't love you. It just seemed fitting ya know. You could of kept it along with everything else I've given to you." She made sure to clear that up, he was Ryder. Just Ryder. They weren't like that._

_"Well in that case, I think you did good. As intimate as some of our tales may be your first time wasn't mine to take. You loved him and that's good, sex is always better when there's feelings involved. Trust me." He took another swig._

_"You would know, huh... Slut." She coughed._

_"No, just available." He laughed_

_"Now that I think about it I wasn't your first boyfriend either."_

_"I've only ever had one, plus you were never my boyfriend, but that I understand. Dating involves feeling, which neither of us are really good at. Plus you're my friend, and I don't care what anyone says, dating one way or another jeopardizes that."_

_"I warned you, stepping into HA." He sighed._

_"I remember." She nodded._

_"You gave me an option stepping in. You told me and I quote, 'You want to be the girl with the broken heart or the girl with the broken reputation.' Guess I got both, huh, such an overachiever." She spat._

_"Don't cry it's been six months Jade, enough with the pity party." He handled her the seemingly empty bottle._

_"I know but it's just aggravating." She gestured towards herself, not bothering to wipe her face._

_"I could've avoided this." She threw the empty bottle down the hall, thank god for carpeting, or they would've had some cleaning to do._

_"You could have also missed out on all you got out of it." He handed her a half opened Twinkie._

_"What's with you? I'm your best friend if some girl broke your heart you best believe I'd be the first one raining hell down on her ass. Shit talking her at the very least." She accused him._

_"I'm far more concerned with what's going on with you, to be hate on your ex like that. Doesn't mean I'm in any way fond of him. It's all about subtly babe." He smirked at her._

_"Whatever." She wiped her eyes, she would never get over how natural it was to just let go around him. It was downright scary._

_"What do you say we forget about dicks and past humor, finish this bottle, and quote the scissoring part two both pretending we haven't seen it a thousand times."_

_"It's like you don't know me at all." She smiled happily._

* * *

Jade was usually a plain salad type of girl, dressing making her nauseous, but that simply wasn't cutting it today. So she opted for a salad, fries, and an extra-large pickle, just because.

Yeah that definitely made up for her disaster encounter from earlier.

She still wasn't sure what to make of it. Eight months, that's how long they've been broken up. Two months since he tried to kiss Tori, surely she wasn't the only one confused here. Why was he suddenly interested in making small talk with her, or better yet what did he want to talk to her about. Should she have heard him out? He said "us", but "us" who? What were they exactly? They weren't friends, that much was clear, they definitely weren't together, but they weren't exactly on bad terms either.

Either way, it was best to just leave things as they were. She was already on edge enough as it was, she didn't need Beck stealing the last bit of sanity she was hanging on to.

Plopping down next to Cat, she snatched the ketchup from Andre, smirking at his pout, poured some and then handed it back. Fries she decided where awesome, even if they were too salty.

Her mood was officially salvaged, even Beck's completely impassive face as he walked up to their table holding a slice of pizza didn't deter her. Well not a lot.

Her phone buzzed and she was didn't even have a chance to respond before she heard him.

"Let's go." She heard him, but not through her phone.

"Ryder?" Tori gasped, managing to spill half her fries in the process.

He tried to suppress a smirk at that; he loved the element of surprise.

Looks of uncertainty, confusion and anger circulated the table at his sudden reappearance. Rumor had it he moved away for an acting gig.

Any other day, well maybe later today, he would relish in the feeling of catching them completely off guard, but for now he paid them no mind, opting instead to take a hold of Jade's arm. He repeated what he said before "Let's go."

He didn't miss the way Beck's eyes narrowed in confusion, but nothing more. How did someone so emotionless get so good at acting? Ex-girlfriend or not, any other guy would at least have the decency to look a little put off.

The silence was suffocating as everyone else stared up at him like he waltz up in here wearing a freaking Barney suit or something, which he would've totally owned by the way.

He wasn't aware that grudge holding was something that ran in the group, interesting.

"Jade." He shook her lightly, when she'd yet to respond. Nobody moved, probably waiting on an oncoming outburst that would more than likely result in bodily harm. On his part.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, catching everyone else off guard.

"I was supposed to pick you up at the airport in an hour. Not have you waltz back in here like you own the place!" She finally snapped turned to glare at him, but not bothering to shake off his hold.

"My flight got in earlier than expected." He answered her in a similar tone of voice, like it or not he could hold his own when it came to her.

"Really, because I'm pretty sure it takes more than a couple hours to book a flight and get on it." She narrowed her eyes in an accusing glare.

"You texted me last night." He pointed out.

"You responded to me his morning!" She shouted back.

"I was thinking." He sighed.

"OH!" She growled.

"Can we just flippin go already? I don't have all day."

"Then you shouldn't have came." She turned back to her food.

"Jade!"

"Fine!" She snapped and with another annoyed growl she stood collecting her thing, shoving them in her bag and scooting the rest of her lunch towards cat, which was pretty much all of it.

"You owe me lunch now." She said, extra careful to avoid every confused gaze being directed at her.

This wasn't how she wanted things to come out. Not here, and especially not with the company of people she was currently with.

"Umm Jade?" It was Cat who finally decided to break the silence.

"What?" She snapped.

"Well..." She started getting that confused childlike look on her face. "Ryder's here."

"I'm aware."

"But Jadey he's mean!" She exclaimed.

"Good cus so am I." She smirked a smirk that was so Jade like there weren't words to describe it.

"Since when are you and Ryder friends?" Tori asked crossing her arms around her slim frame.

"They've always been friends." Cat pouted.

"What?"

"Look I'd love to sit around and reminisce the last fifteen years of my life, but wait, I actually wouldn't! Bye." She stomped her way out to the parking lot., leaving a confused table behind.

"Well it's been fun. See ya, bye cat." He gave them a somewhat degrading salute before following the bitter girl out.

"You're driving." She tossed him her keys.

"Why? I've been on a plane for six hours!" He gave her a reproachful look.

"I hate driving in the daytime!" She stomped her foot.

"No you hate driving period." He corrected her

"That couldn't be more true."

...

"Ok what was that about?" Tori exclaimed looking around the table for answers.

"Yea, since when are Jade and Ryder all buddy buddy?" Andre wondered.

"I think it cute." Robbie was quick to point out.

He was met with accusing glares.

"What? They're both pretty people with shady personalities. It's cliché but hey this is Hollywood. They're like a real life vampire couple." He shrugged going back to his fruit.

"They are not!" Cat yelled. "Jade would never eat us!"

"You people are missing the point." Tori whined. "If Jade and Ryder are hanging out this can only mean trouble."

"I thought you and Ryder made peace?" Andre ask.

"We did but it just, ugh never mind. It just seems weird that they're suddenly friends or whatever they are."

Cat's giggle was what brought them back.

"What's so funny?"

"Sillies of course they're friends. He was her first ya know. That kinda makes them like bffs for life."

"What?!" Was chorused around the table.

"First 'what' Cat?" This time it was Beck who perked up out of his trance.

"You know first." She smiled twirling a piece of her red hair aloofly.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Beck sat back with a look of panic. 'Maybe cat didn't know what she was talking about. Yeah that was it.' He assured himself.

"Ok wait wait wait." Tori shook her head to sort her thoughts..

"So Jade's known Ryder, apparently for a while now?" She clarified.

"Yes."

"Then why didn't she warn me about him last year?" She exclaimed.

"She did, twice, but you wouldn't listen. Plus jade said she's not anyone's Cupid and that she's not one to intervene in peoples love lives." She used quotation marks around the word love.

"I've never seen them hanging around school before." Robbie was quick to point out. How did they all miss this?

"Well I didn't really like his friends much, they were a little intimating when we were freshman, so Jadey was nice and sat with me our first day of Hollywood Arts instead of with him. It just kinda stuck that way after a while with me, Robbie, Andre, and then Becky." She giggled.

"And me!" Tori waved.

"It's just weird that they've never even had a class together though." Andre went back to eating, clearly over the matter. If Jade and Ryder were old pals then good for them.

"What's even weirder is that they suddenly got the urge to flaunt their relationship." Beck snapped.

"But they're not dating." Cat pointed out.

"He meant their friendship." Tori clarified.

"Well Jade needs friends too." Cat said seriously.

"We're her friends Cat. She doesn't need to be hanging around with him." Tori stressed.

"He's been her friend longer. Just because he was mean to you Tori doesn't mean we all automatically hate him. You're not the queen tor-ie" She giggled at the last part.

They all stared at the young girl. It was no secret that her and Tori's relationship had gotten a little rocky lately, but nobody ever expected for little innocent Cat to deliver a blow like that.

"I remember on my thirteenth birthday when my parents weren't home because they had to take my brother to his 'special hospital'. Jade and Ryder came over with a red velvet cupcake and sang me a really funny birthday song they came up with." She giggles thinking back on the past.

"Really? Sing it!" Robbie clapped.

"I can't." She smiled

"Why not, Lil Red?" Andre coaxed.

"Because it's mine." She hopped in her seat reaching for the fries Jade left behind.

"They were nicer then." She smiled dreamily.

"I'm sure they were Cat." Robbie nodded in agreement.

"Jadey helped me dye my hair red a week later, after I did it wrong the first time." She told them. "My brother does not know how to dye hair." She told them seriously.

"Why do I get the feeling I know a lot less than what I originally thought I did." Tori mumbled looking down at her food.

"You get that feeling too?" Cat asked happily before reaching into her bra for a candy snack, offering it up to her.

...

This wasn't the first time she found herself sitting on her bathroom floor in Ryder's company. It wasn't necessarily second nature, but it shouldn't be feeling like a death sentence either.

"I can't do this." She whimpered, hugging her knees tightly, yes whimpered. It was pathetic.

"I really hope you're not serious right now, because this is in no way the hardest part." He snapped, watching her flinch at his tone of voice. He immediate regretted it swinging an arm around her, drawing her in close.

"Sorry, nerves." He pressed a kiss to her temple, in an effort to calm them both. It didn't work.

"This isn't happening; we were careful." She pleaded, with who she wasn't sure. She just knew she couldn't do this. She wasn't ready, she wasn't sure she'd ever be.

"You know how they say only one in a million actually make it in show biz." He asked.

"Yeah." She looked at him hopefully.

"Well it looks like our odds were a bit better this time around." He sighed; the look on his face said it all.

"Please don't tell me." She gripped his jacket to keep herself up.

"It's positive."

* * *

Okay, so in case any of you are confused, the first part of both chapter so far have been flashbacks to the night of the PMA's. After Jade left the scene, so yeah. Thanks for reading.

Review if you want a speedy update. Next chap gets interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Victorious is NOT owned by Num.1 Hyperactive Kunoichi, thank you public.

A little warning for the flashback on this one. It could be rated M, but i really don't feel it's all that graphic, but feel free to skip to the line break.

Enjoy

* * *

___She wasn't entirely sure how it happened. One second they were laughing carelessly at the ditzy blonde actress, the next they were swapping spit. With her sitting comfortably in between his legs, his back against the couch._

"This is so wrong; you're like my gay best friend." She mumbled against his jaw, where she was previously placing kisses, before drawing his lower lip lightly in between hers.

"I'm not gay." His stated his voice husky with need as he drew her in closer.

"Yeah but you could never love me, just like I could never love you." Her words were slurred but her touch was accurate as her hand descended.

"Then this can't be wrong." He whispered, lowering her to the floor.

"Why did you go out with Tori?" She hummed, enjoying the warmth setting in. "You knew I didn't like her." She said it with curiosity simply.

"I wanted to know." He kissed her jaw.

"Know what?" She whispered, intertwining her fingers with his.

"What made her worth your time? Your anger, you're insecurity." Her shirt was suddenly gone, thanks to quick fingers.

"Did you find it?" She asked, returning the favor.

"No, and I don't think you have either." Her skin was so warm, soft.

"Then why do her wrong?" She ran her fingers through his hair, her back arching slightly.

"She went through my phone." His fingers were traveling past her waistline at this point. "Some things are private."

"She apologized." Jade reminded him tracing the edges of his belt.

"I did too, everything should be even." He kissed her again, throwing the buckled material aside.

"It's not." She whispered when they parted.

"You wanna know why?" He asked looking into her eyes. They were hazy, but focused.

"Tell me." She ran the back of her hand against the side of his face. He always did fascinate her.

"Because I didn't retaliate when she snooped in my things. I let it go, it would have ended there. Then she goes and calls on me again. I didn't deny her because I figured it was fine, but then she heard a rumor. She retaliated, so therefore she won. It's simple as that. You retaliate, get the upper hand and come out victorious in the end."

"Hmmmm" She kissed his chest. "So you're completely innocent in the matter?" She eyed the necklace hanging from his neck.

"It's not my fault I lose interest fast. Partner activities require you to take a look around the room. I see what I like and go for it. Talent or not." That reminded him.

"You're still a dick." She smiled against his lips, as he kissed her eagerly.

"You think Beck wants to know too." She asked shimmying out of her shorts. "What makes her worth my time?"

"I don't know." He answered truthfully. "I can only speak for myself." All remaining clothes at this point were thrown to the side.

"Well I hope he finds it." She closes her eyes, waiting for him.

"Then maybe he can tell us." She gasped, gripping his shoulders.

"Maybe." He sighed back, lost for the moment.

"He almost kissed her tonight, ya know, maybe he already did." Her eyes were closed, her breath ragged.

"Kisses don't always mean something." His mind was focused somewhere else. Somewhere she wished she too could float off to.

"Like now?" Her toes curled.

"Yeah" He smiled lightly.

"What are we thinking?" Her mouth busy against his neck.

"It doesn't really matter at this point ." He whispered against her skin.

"I don't love you." She felt the tears comings. This was wrong, even she knew it, but it just didn't feel wrong.

"I know. I don't either." He kissed her eyelids.

"Could we pretend then?" She whimpered, moving her hips with his.

"Just for right now?" He held her tightly.

"Yeah" She whispered.

"Then I love you." Ryder told her intertwining their fingers together.

"I love you too." She smiled back lightly.

It didn't mean anything. It never does.

* * *

"I'm leaving." She snaps, but made no move to get up. It was a few days after finally confirming her suspicions.

They were seated at their usual lunch table after Sikowitz's class. No surprise there. Conversation was mediocre at best. She figured it was time to drop the bombshell.

"Where you going?" Cat asked, everyone else assuming she was referring to her spot at the table.

"Away." She shrugged, reaching for the salt. It was all a matter of keeping cool she reminded herself.

"Well how long." Cat tilted her head at an angle. Her friend didn't usually leave her.

"Forever." Jade said casually. She was met with silence before, yup you guessed it, Vega spoke up.

"Wait, are you being serious right now?" Tori asked, giving her a skeptical look.

"No I'm lying and penguins are flying." She pointed up and wasn't surprised when they all lifted their gaze.

"Stupid." She mumbled

"Umm Jade?" Tori cleared her throat.

"Yes I'm serious." She sighed. "I'm leaving"

"Why?" Beck asked, not wrapping his mind around what was being said. 'Was she going on a trip or something?'

"As in leaving Hollywood arts?" Andre asked.

"That's what leaving means." She rolled her eyes. She vaguely wondered what the chances of them following her were if she just got up and left. Pretty high right, I mean with Tori being as nosey as she was.

"But why? When? Where to Jadey?" Cat squealed in fear. This wasn't happening it must be a day similar in meaning to April first, it had to be.

"New York probably, I'm leaving in a couple of days."

Gasps rang out and Jade lowered her gaze to her salad. Was this what Ryder meant when he mentioned finding out wasn't the hardest part?

"But why?" Beck asked. This was just Jade being Jade, she was just being cruel. I mean did she not know how badly this would tilt their entire dynamic.

"Why not?" She spat back, feeling her blood boil. "I'm not doing much here." She crossed her arms.

"I can't remember the last time I led a play where my character wasn't chosen at random. I'm wasting my time here. I need to get out there and get my own already. I'm sick and tired of going at the same routine continuously. I'm talented, physically appealing, intelligent, and I'm wasting it all sitting here. It exhausting." She finished pinning them with a look of determination. "I should've been famous by now. Broadway's my calling anyways."

"That's stupid Jade! You're barely in high school. You have time, leaving and running off to New York isn't going to get you anything. We're not even close to graduation!" Tori exclaimed.

"It doesn't matter, I won't need it." She shrugged keeping up the facade. Cat had gone completely silent at this point, which didn't surprise her.

"Jade this is crazy." Andre sighed reaching out to grip her shoulder. She didn't shrug him off. He cared; she wouldn't hold it against him.

"It might be." She felt his hand drop as she shrugged. "but it's a change."

"This is bull shit Jade! What's your motive what are you getting at here?" Beck snapped his panic escalating into rage.

"I just thought I'd let you know. It's not nice waking up to find someone gone, vanished without any warning signs. Friend or not." She explained with a glare. Her voice stayed low as she searched his eyes, careful to not read anything out of context.

"You're quitting High School, but you're not even eighteen yet." Robbie exclaimed. "What would your parents say?"

"They don't care and just because I'm quitting doesn't mean I can't go get my G.E.D later. It's about time I took some control of my life. I want things, like really want them, and I'm not gonna quit till I get them. If that means stepping out then fine, whatever it takes." She said firmly.

"Jadey no! You can't leave! New York is too far away." Cat cried reaching across the table to grasp her hands in hers. "It's too far." She shook her head, tears spilling.

"I have an appointment with Lane later to finalize my withdraw papers." She stood up. "It's happening deal with it." She looked down on them, engraving each of their faces to memory, willingly for the first time.

She heard laughter, Beck was always surprising her. "I'm sorry, but do you want applause now or is this just another one of your twisted schemes? You know Jade you've done some pretty stupid shit before, but this, this has no basis." Beck spoke as he stood. He rounded the table to face her, leaned toward her with a condescending look fixated even in his stance

"What really happened?" He asked. "What finally clicked that made you decide to leave!" He snapped. Anger was raging off him, and for a second she was grateful for Andre's sudden hold on his arm.

That is until she remembered who she was, Jade West that is.

"First off back up before I backhand you so hard, my handprints will still be there even after I'm gone." She snarled.

"You see Beck that's the thing about me. I leave marks. I'm raw, wild. I engrave myself in everything I touch. You on the other hand, you fade. Pretty scripted words fade. Looks fade, your presence will fade. You are going to fade because you're empty." She smiled, but it wasn't a pretty one. This one scared him.

"You whisper." She said it in a soft voice. "Volume doesn't fit you it sounds misplaced every time you use it. The way your eyes shift away from your target, you avoid confrontation. You avoid what you want. Tell us Beck what do you want? Throw the script away for a second and introduce yourself to us. Leave the smile behind, the relaxed posture. Show us raw, can you? No?" She tilted her head mockingly.

"Now ask me again what finally clicked." She spat, turning and walking off.

She didn't need to tell them why she was leaving, she simply was. It wasn't like she'd ever see any of them again, at least not if she could help it. Granted that wasn't really how she wanted their last conversation to go, but better she told them then have Lane tell them.

She knocked on his door twice before letting herself in. She wanted to attend Sikowitz's class one last time, before saying goodbye.

"Jade?" Lane asked surprised to see the raven haired girl in his office. He was expecting someone else surely. Stepping over to his desk he picked up the withdrawal form lying on it. His breath hitched for a second when he took into the account the name printed in perfect scripture across the top.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about Jade?" He took a seat across from her.

"Can we not do this?" She muttered rolling her eyes deeply. It was a warning of her oncoming temper.

"You're withdrawing from Hollywood arts?" He asked.

"That's why I'm here." She spoke, sarcastically picking at her dark cotton tights.

"I just need you to give me my transcripts." She leaned back in her seat crossing her arms to her chest.

"Why? I thought you liked it here. You worked hard to get to where you're at, going somewhere else isn't going to help you reach your dreams as well as Hollywood Arts is."

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm not planning on enrolling anywhere else." She spoke

"Wait? You're dropping out! Not transferring? Jade you're smarter, better than that." He didn't believe this, what happened? "Your parents-

"What about them? They signed the papers, there opinion is irrelevant. Look I want to get to Sikowitz's class on time, so can we speed this up." She snapped eyeing the bottles of lotion stacked throughout.

"Jade this is serious. If there's something you want to talk about, feel free to do so. I won't judge you, but you really need to think this one through. Without a proper education much less a diploma how do you expect to compete in the work force?"

"It's not like anyone takes an art major seriously anyways. It's a bunch of bull. I'm packing up and heading out to New York. I'll give it some time. If it's meant to be it'll happen, if not then I'll do something else. That's the funny thing about this world. You get choices; it's your choice on how you use them." She answered seriously.

"I really don't think you've grasped the severity of the situation. Your junior year will be over in just over a month and then you're a senior. Colleges will be stacking up to nab you, opportunities will start flying. I know things seem hard now, but they're just obstacles they don't have to hinder you." He stressed hoping to get through to her. Troubled or not, she was too talented to let it all sink now.

"Pretty words Lane." She sighed, she was tired of explaining herself, because sooner or later something was going to slip.

"Listen Lane, as the guidance council I know it kinda looks like it's your fault that I failed so miserably, but it's not. You couldn't have predicted this any more than I could have three years ago. All I'm asking is that you give me the proper documentation and let me go to my last few classes of the day." She stood.

"Jade, reconsider-

"Sikowitz's class starts in two minutes are you going to give me my papers or not." She snapped.

"Come back after his class, I'll have them all in order by then." He sighed, this was so wrong.

"Thanks." She saw herself out.

* * *

"Hello pretty people, how do you do?" Where did this man get his diploma again?

"How do we do what?" Cat asked, still sad from the earlier news, but at least the tears stopped.

"It's just something you say cat." Robbie patted her back.

"Jadey!" Cat squealed pushing Robbie out of the seat next to her making room for Jade, just as she walked through the door.

"Jade you're late!" Sikowitz twirled on stage.

"Yeah, great." She snapped

"Mind telling us why." He asked

"I actually do mind thanks for asking." She wasn't thankful at all.

"Righty-o" He pointed.

"Now let's get down to business. Drum roll please." The class obeyed feet stomping in sync.

"You guys will be doing a partner project, for the remainder of the semester." He clapped his hands once in confirmation.

"What kind of project?" Robbie asked.

"All in good time." He spun around picking up a magician's hat.

"First pick your partners." He placed the hat in front of Vega's nose. "Pick!" He exclaimed

"Alright, alright." She laughed reaching in for a slip.

"Don't look!" Sikowitz screamed causing her to nearly fall back, clutching her hands to her chest.

"Sikowitz!" She exclaimed.

"Yes?" He asked, receiving nothing but a glare.

"Jade pick." He stuck the hat near her face.

"No." She glared pushing it aside.

"Why not?" He asked shaking the hat fondly

"Because I'm not doing it." She said matter of factly.

"Oh and why not?" He always loved a challenge, a clever mind even more.

"Because," She mumbled.

"Ooh Jade's got a secret." He taunted. "Tell us."

"I'm leaving alright, so I won't be here for the rest of the semester." She rolled her eyes, at the silence, really it wasn't that big of a deal.

"What?" Sikowitz asked, looking a bit more sober.

"I dropped out okay!" She exclaimed.

Sikowitz blinked once, twice before bursting out into loud and robust laughter, slapping his knees in the process. "Aww Jade, funny funny funny." He crackled. "You almost had me."

"Whatever." She grabbed her bag, and left, slamming the door on her way out. She was done being laughed at, she wasn't going to be laughed at, nor pitied, and much less humiliated. Not Jade West.

Beck didn't need Tori's look to tell him. Without warning he shot up and ran after her. He needed to tell her, let her know. He let her walk away from him to many damn times already.

"Jade wait!" He called, just as the janitor's door slammed close.

He reached it just time, before her hands were able to lock it. With only a bit of force, he was able to push his way in.

"Get out!" She yelled.

"Stop talking, hush because I'm talking." He held up his hand

"Oh I'm guessing you expect me to listen?" She crossed her arms, this whole situation was way too familiar.

"I get it Jade. You're mad, you're frustrated-

"You don't know shit!" She snapped.

"Maybe not, but I do know one thing, and that's that I don't want you to leave." He reached out to her, disappointed when she stepped back.

"Why? We don't get along, being in one another's company is uncomfortable, we don't talk we yell. If it weren't for the fact that I'm too stubborn to switch tables and that Cat would cry, I'd be avoiding you like the plague." She fired back.

"There isn't a need for that. I never wanted to lose you." His eyes shown with sincerity but she wasn't buying it.

"You broke up with me." She reminded him.

"You walked out!" He yelled.

"You didn't follow!" She retaliated.

"You could've stayed!" His throat was tightening; this is not how he pictured this conversation going.

"I wasn't welcomed, wasn't that your whole point." She snarled

"You shouldn't have given me an ultimatum!" He countered.

"You should've grown a pair." She took a step forward.

"Isn't that what I did?" He asked

She wasn't amused. "Look are you done, because if you came here to yell at me you can go ahead and-

"No! Jade no." He shook his head. He didn't want to fight her. "It's just you frustrate me, and it-it, Jade I want you." He sighed.

"Whoa, okay conversation over." She attempted to sidestep him, he wasn't having it.

"No I didn't mean it like that." He clarified.

"You're frustrated and you want me. Your message is pretty clear." She said it sarcastically.

"I want you back and I'm tired of acting like I don't. I adore you, temper and all." He confessed.

"You need to stop while you're ahead." She wasn't sure she could handle this right now.

"You're harsh, bold, cruel, but you're so alive and I love it. There's no one like you, and there never will be. I know I don't own you, but I feel like I'm yours, because you've already done everything to engrave it into me." He spoke softly

"Yeah sorry." She interrupted.

"I'm not complaining. I love that you claimed me, but it's like you said. I'm transparent, empty. I need you to fill me with something, anything. Because I can feel it happening- I'm already being shoved to the background, and it's not like I mind, but it just makes it harder for you to spot me." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't want to be that idiot, the one that never spoke up. I'm not sure what I did that was so wrong, but I'm willing to go back to the beginning of Crist and right every wrong If you asked. I'm Beck Oliver, but even I had to have crawled at one point." He continued

"Beck." Her eyes were brimmed with unshed tears, but her voice was telling him to stop.

"You asked what it was that I wanted, and I'm going to tell you." He looked her in the eyes.

"I want you. I want to go back to holding your hand, to telling you I love you and meaning it. To fueling your anger, to arguing your opinions, and watching you sleep within my sheets, because regardless of what I say or do, I love you." He spoke confidently watching as the tears almost fell across her cheeks but not quite yet.

"I know I make you jealous, make you doubt my loyalty, but Jade you make me doubt my sanity. Everyone else attracts me in through curiosity, but Jade you're certainty. I never once doubted your affection." He reached out to hold her hand, she let him.

"You're everything I want, but I'm not, and you leaving its just unfathomable." He sighed. "How am I supposed to have a storyline if it isn't opposite yours?" He asked

"Tori could give you a storyline, the likes of which Hollywood arts has never seen before." She answered him.

"There's a reason for that, we're creative people here. We don't do boring." He cut that train of thought there, but she didn't look convinced.

"Jade do you honestly believe it could ever even come close to shadowing ours?" He asked her. "It'd be pretty, with classical music playing in the background, and prom queen, and king crowns on pedestals. I'd be perfect and I'd hate every second you weren't there to ruin it." He smiled at her, the mental image laughable.

"I'm tired of missing you, at laughing at your outbursts in secret. I need you in my life, and you leaving isn't an option!" He couldn't take her strong attempts to hold back her silent tears anymore. She wasn't crying yet but he could tell by the way her shoulders trembled that she was close to it. He quickly pulled her against him, wrapping her in the security of his arms. "So tell me what I need to do to make you happy, to make you stay, to make you believe you can stay and still get all that you want." He whispered against her familiar frame.

He let her stifle her cries against his shirt, gave her a moment to clear her mind. He wasn't too sure why the tears were flowing, but he didn't rush her.

"When did you figure all this out?" She whispered, after a few moments drying her face on her sleeve taking a step out of his embrace. He felt cold without her, but he didn't push her.

"When I watched you leave the PMA's" He cringed at the thought of watching her leave with that guy.

"Funny." She laughed a bitter cold laugh and he didn't know if the tears threatening to spill again were from her laughter or something he didn't quite understand yet.

"What's so funny?" He frowned, confused at the sudden turn of events. Did he not get through to her like he thought he did?

"Nothing, everything, my god!" She was suddenly in hysteria, pacing across the room, hands unable to stay still.

"It's just so, ugh what's the word ironic? Painfully cynical. You know Beck we try so hard to be good actors but in reality our whole goddamn lives are so much like a movie scene, so scripted, so blockbuster worthy that we should just go ahead and focus on it instead." She laughed again, her eyes slightly red like the tip of her nose.

"Jade I-

"Shut up!" She yelled.

"I don't understand, help me out here." He pleaded with her, attempting to hold her still, but she wasn't having it.

"Help you? Help you! You want me to help you?!" She mocked, gesturing toward him. "I can't even fuckin help myself Beck."

"Jade calm down." This time he did manage to embrace her, suddenly fearful for her state of mind. Did Jade West finally snap?

"I can't help you." She finally whispered, breathing in deeply

"Jade I lov-

"Please don't." She shook her head, embracing him tighter than she ever had before. She didn't need to hear it anymore.

"Don't say something you'll rethink later, or make me over think again. I want you in my life Beck." She whispered against his chest. She wasn't sure she'd ever done anything harder in her life. " but not like before, but like before before." She elaborated. "What I need now more than anything is your friendship. You said you needed me in your life, take it or leave it." She spoke

"I don't think I ca-

"We were friends before we screwed it up. You kept it in check then you can keep it in check now." She glared up at him, trying desperately not to do anything stupid.

"We didn't have history then." He mumbled feeling his heart break with every word she spoke.

"In a second you're gonna wish we didn't." She dropped her arms.

"Jade?" He whispered, pulling her in closer.

"I can't be with you Beck, eight months is a long time, things can change. Things have changed." She stepped back, but his arms were still wrapped firmly around her waist.

"They haven't, not really, but yea I guess you're not as mean to Tori as you used to be." He attempted a smile, blinking rapidly to hide the moister in his eyes.

"That's more your doing then mine" She sighed thinking back on that night.

"Whatever it is Jade I'm sure we can work it out?" He looked down at the girl in his arms, his girl.

"We really can't. Even if it was still strictly about me and you I'd probably still say no." She shook her head, dark curls bouncing.

"You don't love me anymore?" He asked, not sure why he asked the question he was most scared of.

"I don't know what I feel right now, and frankly I just can't handle any more stress in my life right now." She answered him truthfully, but it was a lie. She loved him.

"I still don't understand." He shook his head.

"Ryder and I-

"This is about Ryder?" He suddenly recoiled holding her at arm's length.

"Look I get it, I didn't know what I was missing. You started hanging out with Ryder to prove a point. Make me jealous and ok it worked, you don't have to pretend anymore." He said

She looked at him with sad eyes. "Contrary to popular belief I didn't get with Ryder to make you jealous. I know what that's like, its awful, and I wouldn't pull that out unless I was really angry. Which I wasn't, which I'm not. I haven't been mad at you for a long time now Beck. Ryder's my friend ok."

"If he's just your friend then what is it Jade?" He asked her.

"I really am moving back to New York. I wasn't kidding." It came out in a jumble of words.

"What? He whispered, sporting a confused look, and if that wasn't the sound of his world plummeting he didn't know what was.

"With him." She was quick to point out.

"What? Why? Why would you even think to do something so stupid? What does he have on you Jade?" He swallowed struggling to maintain his cool. Surely she wasn't serious.

"My parents kicked me out, he offered me a place. Broadway's always been my calling anyways." She rambled knowing she was getting closer and closer to the truth with every passing second.

"Wait your parents kicked you out? What'd you do? I don't even, Jade I need you to start making sense soon." He held her hand but she could see his armor cracking.

"I can't stay here Beck, people are goanna talk. I won't be able to handle it. I'm goanna need my closest friends for this one, and they're all back north." She explained.

"You have friends here! We're your friends. What do we have to do to prove that to you? Damn it Jade stop cutting us out of your life because we're not leaving." He almost snapped at her.

"No but I am, and I get that I have some friends here, but not like back home. It's about the quality not the quantity and the few I have back north are for life. They're my support, my rocks and I'm gonna need them. I don't need to be here anymore. People are gonna talk and no one's gonna tell them to shut the hell up or tell me to fuckin hold my head up like they will." She retaliated.

"Since when do you care what people think Jade?" He asked her.

"The second you started to you hypocrite!" She glared, wiping tears from her eyes as she referred to their 'Queries for Couples.' mishap.

"Start with telling me why your parents kicked you out in the first place. Wait when did they kick you out?" He asked.

"Three days ago." She sighed, looking at the ground, the day she found out.

"Where have you been staying?" Worry crossed his face. He still hadn't let go of her hand.

"With Ryder." She whispered

"Why not Cat, or hell even Tori would've offered you a place." He was slowly but surely developing a deep hatred for Jade's supposed friend.

"This was personal." She sighed.

"Jade what happened." He lowered his gaze to meet her.

She couldn't take it anymore, she snapped. "They kicked me out because I'm two months pregnant." She spoke quickly but clearly. Not wanting to repeat herself.

"What?" He whispered, that being the last thing he was expecting.

Quickly his mind scrambled for everything he knew on the subject. It took him no more than two seconds to do the math.

"But we, we haven't. You're lying! This isn't funny Jade. We've been broken up for eight months. We've barely spoken, much less...

"Don't make this harder." She pleaded, her heart thumping a million beats per second, denying the cold hard facts wouldn't get them anywhere.

"Who, when?" He slumped against the closet door, stumbling and falling into a sitting position. It wasn't registering in his mind. Jade was his, she was always his, but her baby wasn't?

"But I love you he mumbled." She remained rooted to her spot, as he looked up at her with desperate eyes. Pleading with her to tell him it wasn't true.

"Too bad love isn't really what makes a baby." She sighed looking as equally distraught.

"It, it's Ryder's? Isn't it!" He spat, hurt boiling into rage.

"It happened after the PMA's" She nodded.

"He was in town at a party I ended up at. I was upset, he was there. He felt safe, normal, like things finally made sense again." She mumbled.

"What do you mean normal!" He shouted. "Since when is sleeping with Ryder normal!" He said in a rage. Cat's early comment springing to mind. Was anything between them really only shared between them.

"It's not. We never had, up till that point you were the only guy I've ever been with." She looked away seeing the look of distraught on his face. Of course he would assume she was all his in that department, and she would've been, but hey shit happens.

"But him being there when I needed, him that was normal. His stupid lectures that was normal." She sighed. It hurt her to see him like this.

"But you slept with him. Best friend or not, you don't see me sleeping around with Tori, when I'm upset."

"Just more proof that we're not the same. Though I'm not so sure that's one hundredth percent true. I mean you have no trouble in attempting to make out with her and bad mouthing me. If she wasn't so perfect I'm not sure you'd be able to truthfully say that right now." Her gaze was downcast, she was physically and mentally exhausted.

"What are you talking about?" He backpedaled.

"Don't worry about it now. What's done is done. I accepted the hand I was dealt and I'm living up to it. I think it's time we both just get it through our thick skulls that we're simply never gonna work out again." She whispered, putting her façade back up, drying her tears, and running her fingers through her hair.

"You never loved me!" He shouted back "If you had you wouldn't have." He shook his head. "You wouldn't have ruined us!"

"I've never loved someone like I did you." She said sincerely.

"You're lying. Say it! Tell me it was all a big fat lie, a ploy to get on top. That none of it was real!" He demanded through a stream of tears.

"I think it was you who never really loved me, but I don't blame you. It's a hard task for anyone." She shrugged sadly. Hurt that he would rather her lie to him then take things as they were. He had her love, every last ounce of it, but as usual she had to be the bad guy.

"I have to go, my plane leaves tomorrow." She walked passed him, careful not to bump into him in his sitting position.

"You're a coward." He whispered, not entirely sure who it was directed at.

"And you're hurt, but unlike me, you'll get over it." She slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

Surprise Surprise. Thank you to all that reviewed. You guys literally make my day. I especially love long review, so thanks again. These chapters I feel have all been a little rushed so I'm glad you're enjoying them. Nonetheless constructive criticism is awesome, and very much appreciated. I just started my freshman year of college less than a month ago, so my writing time is now very limited. Your encouragement really is what helps me along.

Also guys I'm gonna be introducing a few new characters next chapter, but only like two possibly three. And no I'm not going to ask for any OOC's because I feel that's kinda lazy of the author and not very creative nor exciting, but I will ask you this. (Oh and no offense to anyone that does, just not my thang) Is there any like small characteristics, like hair color for instance or a small tweek, or catch phrase you're dying for one of the character to have? Let me know and I might incorporate it, because I like to keep you guys interested and give you what you want. I do listen to feedback and all, so yeah, until next time.


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